Abuse without Bruises

Speaking up and telling the truth about narcissistic abuse is like turning on the lights in a dark room for survivors.   It helps because it breaks the silence and brings things into the open. Imagine being stuck in a shadowy maze, and suddenly, someone flips a switch, revealing the twists and turns.  When survivors share their experiences, it's a way of saying, "Hey, this happened to me, and I'm not alone." Telling the truth is like a giant exhale - a release from the weight of keeping secrets. It allows survivors to reclaim their narrative, to say, "This is my story, and I won't let it define me." Plus, it's a powerful reality check. By putting words to the abuse, survivors validate their own experiences and help others recognize similar patterns. It's not just about speaking; it's about breaking free from the isolation that narcissistic abuse often creates. When survivors share their truth, it's a lifeline to others who may be going th...

  A narcissist will work tirelessly to destroy your character so no one ever questions theirs.  This is known as a smear campaign, and it's one of their most damaging tactics. It usually begins quietly. While you're still in the relationship or friendship, they plant seeds of doubt about you in other people's minds. They may claim you're unstable, too sensitive, or prone to lying. Over time, these stories gain traction. Once you distance yourself or challenge their behaviour, the narcissist escalates. They portray you as the villain, painting themselves as your victim. They'll tell half-truths or outright lies, all designed to turn people against you.  The goal is simple: isolate you so you have less support and feel too exhausted to defend yourself. This strategy also serves another purpose. By attacking your reputation, they deflect attention away from their own actions. If everyone is focused on your supposed flaws, no one notices theirs. Remember: their campaign...

When a narcissist accuses you of something terrible, it's often a reflection of what they are actually doing. This is called projection. They can't face their own flaws, so they hurl them at you instead. For example, if they're lying, they'll claim you can't be trusted. If they're being unfaithful, they'll accuse you of cheating. If they're manipulating others, they'll insist you're the one playing games. It's a twisted defence mechanism that helps them avoid responsibility and keep control. These accusations aren't random. They are carefully chosen to put you on the defensive. You start explaining yourself, trying to prove your innocence, while the real issue gets buried. Over time, you begin to question your reality and feel ashamed for things you haven't even done. Remember this: when a narcissist points the finger, they're often revealing the truth about themselves. Their accusations are usually confessions in disguise. Re...

It can feel devastating when people side with a narcissist against you. But it's important to understand: narcissists are expert game players. They create stories behind the scenes long before you realise what's happening. While you're still trying to process their behaviour, they're busy shaping everyone else's opinions. They drop hints, twist facts, and plant seeds of doubt about your character. They act charming, reasonable, and concerned while portraying you as unstable, vindictive, or too sensitive. Because most people don't see the manipulation firsthand, they believe the narcissist's version of events. This isn't because you've done something wrong. It's because narcissists are skilled at controlling perceptions. They prepare their audience in advance to see you as the problem so that when you eventually react out of frustration or pain, it seems to "prove" their story. Remember, the narcissist's games rely on secrecy and...

Narcissistic people count on the fact that you care, and that you'll always be the bigger person. That way, they face no real consequences for their actions. Narcissistic people often rely on your empathy, patience, and desire to do the right thing. They know you care, and they use it to their advantage.  When they cross the line - whether through lies, manipulation, or emotional abuse — they're banking on the fact that you'll be the one to rise above it, keep the peace, and walk away quietly. This tactic allows them to avoid responsibility. They don't apologise, change, or reflect — because they don't have to. You do the emotional heavy lifting while they carry on as if nothing happened. Being the "bigger person" is often seen as mature and wise. But with a narcissist, it can become a trap. The more you excuse their behaviour in the name of peace, the more permission they feel to repeat it. True growth means recognising when someone is using your...

  We've all heard the saying, "There are two sides to every story." But when it comes to a narcissist, there's a third version-their version-which often bears little resemblance to reality. Narcissists twist the truth to suit their agenda, painting themselves as the hero, the victim, or sometimes even both. Their version of events isn't about facts; it's about controlling the narrative and protecting their fragile ego. When you confront them with the truth, they won't calmly discuss it. Instead, they'll rewrite the story so convincingly that you start to question your own memory. Key details will be left out, exaggerated, or completely fabricated. They'll downplay their wrongdoing and magnify yours, often turning even their most outrageous behaviour into a tale of how you wronged them. This tactic isn't just manipulation-it's survival for them. By distorting reality, they avoid accountability and maintain their false image. Meanwhile, you...

  If you want truthful answers from a narcissist, ask what the exes did to them, then listen carefully, they're actually describing themselves. Narcissists often reveal the truth about themselves when they talk about their exes. If you listen carefully, their stories are full of contradictions, exaggerations, and unjust accusations. Every ex is "crazy," "toxic," or "abusive." They claim to have been betrayed, used, or wronged in every past relationship. But there's a pattern-if every ex was supposedly terrible, the common denominator is them. They use these stories to manipulate you. At first, they paint themselves as the victim to gain your sympathy. You might feel compelled to "prove" that you're different, that you'll never hurt them like their "evil" ex did. But over time, you may start to notice inconsistencies. The same criticisms they had about their ex will be turned on you. The same patterns will play out, and b...

Narcissists are skilled manipulators who often do harm but twist the narrative to make it seem like their victim is at fault. This tactic allows them to evade accountability while maintaining their image as the innocent party.   Here's how they do it: 1. Twisting the Facts Narcissists often distort the truth, omitting their wrongdoing while exaggerating or fabricating yours. For example, if they lash out at you, they may claim it was a reaction to your supposed "provocation." 2. Playing the Victim By portraying themselves as the victim, narcissists gain sympathy from others. They might say, "I've done so much for them, and this is how I'm treated," flipping the situation so they appear wronged. 3. Smear Campaigns Narcissists will spread subtle or blatant lies about you to friends, family, or colleagues. They use statements like, "I'm concerned about their behaviour," to plant seeds of doubt about your character. 4. Gaslighting T...

Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They play the poor, abused victim while launching a mass smear campaign against anyone who dared to stand up to them. The moment you set boundaries, question their behaviour, or try to walk away, the narcissist flips the script. Suddenly, they're the innocent one — the misunderstood partner, the mistreated friend, the "hero" who did nothing wrong. Behind the scenes, they're spreading lies, twisting facts, and painting you as unstable, abusive, or toxic. They'll target mutual friends, family, and even your workplace - anything to damage your reputation and protect their own. Why? Because narcissists fear exposure. If people believe you, the mask slips. So they get in first, controlling the narrative before you can speak. This tactic isolates you, discredits your truth, and forces you into silence. But remember: their lies say more about them than they ever will about you. Truth doesn't need defending - it just needs...

As the ex spouse of a narcissist, I had someone who talks at me, not with me.  Someone who needs me but does not respect me. A child who demands attention and has tantrums if he does not get it.  A person who does not listen and does not feel what others feel, or understand how others are affected by his behaviors. As the ex spouse of a narcissist, I must walk alone through my struggles, silently feeling my pain while no one sees it, no one sees  him . Nothing is mine or can be about me, he has to be the center of attention. In public, he wears a mask that no one can see through, but at home, the mask comes off and I am subjected to emotional abuse. As the ex spouse of a narcissist, I am the one with the problem—the one who is too sensitive, the one who cannot take a joke. I am the one who needs help, not him. He is not the problem; I am. I am because I see him for who he is and I cannot pretend anymore, and that is a problem. In social situations he would demean me ...

It's also being degraded, humiliated, blamed, screamed at, lied to, cheated on and controlled. This is narcissistic abuse! Not sure who needs to hear this today, but abuse does not need to be bruises and broken bones. Just because you don't see the pain, doesn't mean it's not there. Abusive behaviour can come from ANYONE, including those who are meant to love you it is often them that abuse. If you stay with an abuser, you are not weak. This is your nervous system feel like it's safer to stay than leave and sometimes, in that moment, it is. You are not weak, you are not stupid, you are not at fault. You are abused. How you then behave is your nervous system trying to keep you safe so if you numb out - retreat, drink, eat, rage etc - these are all responses to your threat of danger and parts of you showing up to keep you as safe as possible. Healing from abuse does not mean you forget, and it does not mean you won't feel certain emotions forever more, healing fro...

A narcissist will often go on the attack before you've even said a word. The moment they sense you might expose them, they flip the script.   Suddenly, you're the problem. They'll spread rumours, twist events, and paint you as unstable, bitter, or abusive — all to discredit you before the truth can come out. This tactic isn't just vindictive. It's calculated.  Narcissists are terrified of being exposed. The image they've carefully crafted can't survive the truth, so they act first - using lies to destroy your credibility. By the time you speak up, others may have already formed an opinion based on their version of events. They may contact mutual friends, manipulate family, or even weaponise the legal system. It's a smear campaign designed to isolate you and protect their fragile ego. And all of it is rooted in fear — not of you, but of the truth you hold. Remember: their lies don't change your truth. Stay grounded in what you know, even if they try t...

Why do you think people stay in abusive relationships so long in SILENCE? Because they worry that they will then be judged or told .... Are you sure they meant that?  I can't imagine them being like that  Maybe they were having a bad day So It can't be that bad because you have stayed... People do not FAKE narcissistic or domestic abuse!!!  What they fake is being OK from narcissistic and domestic abuse because they are so worried they will be judged and due to the abuse, they will feel isolated, filled with shame and even stupid for staying!! Let's stop making assumptions and judgments of people if they share their experiences JUST because you think they may have material things!!!  All of this is irrelevant because ABUSE IS ABUSE IS ABUSE!!! Maybe the perfect picture can be hiding a devastating nightmare. Tell me your stories of feeling scared about how others have judged you when you've been brave enough to share. I see you  I hear you We are in this together...